Aphe*phobia
noun: a fear of being touched;
also called haphephobia, haptephobia, thixophobia,
origin: from the Greek haphe ‘touch’
It was to be my last shift in the ER for about a year, so I was feeling a little reflective...
I should know better by now than to answer a call at 9:30 at night. It can’t be good news. But I’m always afraid that I’ve made some bonehead scheduling mistake and have failed to show up for my shift. So I left the family watching March Madness basketball and took the call in another room.
altAs I sat down and closed my eyes to block out the office, I drifted off into a daydream of scantily clad physicians and nurses cavorting through the ER.  Each had a perfect body and sported a distant dreamy look as they passed one another in the hallway.
As our plane descended into the mist of clouds swirling over small towns and rice paddies I was flooded with a mixture of feelings that went all the way back to my teen years. As the nation convulsed over our involvement in Vietnam, my only concern was where my birth date was going to fall in the draft lottery. 357. My eyes had to scan the newspaper three times before I found it. I couldn’t believe that out of sheer luck, call it Providence, I would be sitting this one out. But many of my friends weren’t so lucky.
“I think he’s sick,” my wife said raising her voice while stepping between me and the TV. She shoved our little chubby boy towards my face. He had just the slightest gray cast and the soft stridor that was left after was beginning to show respiratory fatigue. It caught my breath. 
"I see where all this money is going. It's going to pay for all the bogus medical problems that I see every night." 
“It’s official,” I called out to my wife from my computer. “Emergency physicians have more sex appeal than surgeons!” 
“Don’t believe everything you hear about research, even from me.” It was a great line to end an outstanding lecture on evidence based medicine. Everyone laughed and began standing up as the lecturer called for questions. I thought he was going to get a standing ovation. But no one went to the microphone.
I love it when the lecturers say the same thing. “Take a good history…” They act as if we don’t know what questions to ask. Don’t they get it? The right questions are all written out on the template. Sometimes I just don’t know what to do with what the patient tells me. Ever had one like this?

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