No, this isn’t what happens with Nurse K’s “Dr. Bloody Gloves” (at least not in this post).
If you haven’t watched the movie “Candyman” and are looking for a good scare, rent it. It’s a Clive Barker flick, so that should tell you the movie isn’t that bad. There’s a decent plot and it will leave you with an uneasy feeling when it’s over. One of the premises in the movie is that if you say the Candyman’s name five times, he will show up in the mirror behind you and “get” you.
We always joke around with each other in the ED. When one doc leaves his shift [right now I have my innocent face on and there is a halo shining above my head], sometimes the doc will say “Hope it stays nice and QUIET for you guys today.” He’ll get chased out of the ED and then hear stories about how three codes all came in within an hour of his departure. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the standard ED superstitions, any mention of the “Q-word” immediately causes a rift in the yin and yang of the town and results in complete chaos and multiple ED visits.
The Candyman Phenomenon started when doing sign-out one night. One doc would mention that Frequent Flyer A came in and hoped that Frequent Flyer B wouldn’t show up. Oh, no, Frequent Flyer B is already admitted. But Frequent Flyer C was discharged a few days ago and is overdue for another ED visit. Sure enough, Frequent Flyer C would show up. I mentioned that it was getting to be like the movie “Candyman.” After I explained the movie, now when the docs leave, they mention several frequent flyer’s names in rapid succession – more as a joke, but lately it has been eerie how frequently these people come in when you mention their names.
One of our docs likes to make crank calls to our ED when he’s working at his other hospital. We know it’s him most of the time (caller ID kind of gives it away and he’s not too good at disguising his voice). Last week he called and was just jerking around, then he asked me something about the schedule. In the middle of a sentence, he just stopped and said “Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne.” Then he laughed. I responded “drunk psych patient, drunk psych patient, drunk psych patient, drunk psych patient, drunk psych patient” (try saying that five times fast – I sounded like I was a drunk psych patient). He laughed again. Well, we have a security camera that monitors who comes in the front door, who is at the registration desk, and how many people are in the waiting room. I hadn’t even hung up the phone when one of the ED techs says “Oh no, Mr. Wayne just walked through the door.” Sure enough, he stopped at the registration desk. I took the receiver of the phone and banged it on the desk a few times, put it back up to my ear and called the other doc a few choice names. He laughed even harder and hung up on me.
Saturday AM I finished a double shift and as I was leaving, the doc above was relieving me. As I walked out the door, I stopped and said “QUIET, QUIET, QUIET, QUIET, QUIET.” Then I blurted out the names of a couple frequent flyers five times as I was being chased away. I continued yelling them out the window of my vehicle as I drove away and things were being thrown at me.
After sleeping most of the day, Saturday evening I took Mrs. WhiteCoat out for dinner and a movie. During dinner, my cell phone rings. I sent the call to voice mail without looking to see who was calling. Then there is another call right after that one. I look at the phone and it is the hospital. “Great,” I think. They’re getting killed and I have to go in to help. So I pick up and it is the doc that relieved me in the morning.
“You sonuva bitch.”
“Whaaaat?”
“You remember whose name you said before you left?”
I still didn’t know where he was going with this. “What are you talking about?”
“You said her name before you left and guess who just showed up.”
Now I understood and a big grin crossed my face. “Gee. Bummer. Bwaaaaaahahahaha.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll get even with you. You just wait.”
“Oh, wait, one other thing!” I said …. “Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne.”
He hung up before I got to the fifth one.
I treated Mrs. WhiteCoat to a toast after that phone call.
Thanks, I needed that laugh!
Very nice!
Still LAUGHING! Very funny! And did the horns growing up and out of your head knock the halo off???
If you really want to put the pox on them…wait for a FULL MOON SATURDAY NIGHT and then do your “QUIET” mantra with your litany of frequent flyers. Just remember…you know what they say about payback…:)
At our hospital using the word quiet, full moons and ordering Chinese seemed to guarantee no one was eating that dinner.
When I was doing my observation days in Hemodialysis they had a similar superstition.
With mentioning the names of people they would see over and over, i mean, usually because they were missing their dialysis appointments where they usually have them. It was pretty quiet anyway. Way more interesting than I thought it would be, though.
I wish that I had no clue about that “Q” word. I always get jinxed with it.
We have a couple of frequent fliers at our outpatient clinic. It’s a damn guarantee that if they’re not coming in for a scheduled or non-scheduled acute visit, that they’re likely in the ER. And if we haven’t seen them in the clinic or in the ER, the mom has likely called a bazillion times. I think someone requested a chart review on one of the two kids to see how many office visits/clinic calls the mom has made for one of the two kids in the last year (as the youngest just turned one). The number of office visits approached 200 and the number of calls was about 150 if memory serves.
I’m going to try saying their names five times fast when I leave clinic tomorrow (that is, if they don’t show up before that)!
So … did it work?
Right before I loaded your website, I had a sinking realization. Dr. Bloody Gloves LOVVVVVVVVVESSSSSSSSS to talk. Talk, talk, talk, talk. His favorite topic? Germany. How to speak German, favorite things to do in Germany, every possible trivia point about Germany…blah blah blah. He talks about Germany even if I’m talking about France or someone else is talking about the Bahamas. GERMANY.
So, guess who just booked a trip to Berlin?
Oh, sh*t, he’ll probably not only talk to be about it incessantly while on the job, but he’ll probably come in on his days off to talk to me about it too.
Maybe I’ll trick him and say how German doctors laugh at American doctors who get suckered into writing Percocet prescriptions for everyone.
I don’t believe in “quiet” karma. I do, however believe in the Candyman Phenomenon. You, sir, are evil. Yet oh, so funny.
Loved this post all over again!