Haven’t done a challenge in a while. Cynical’s comment from my post yesterday gave me an idea.
Finish this sentence:
You know you’re a frequent flyer when …
Three best responses as chosen by EP Monthly editors will get their choice of any one of the products at EP Monthly’s Online Store.
Cynical’s comments start us off
… you comment on your doctor’s new haircut or shoes
… your doctor knows your med list and PFSH (past family and social history) by heart
… your doctor can recognize you by your feet hanging out of the sheets
When EMS calls in their report, and their entire report is, “It’s Mary”.
…we’re helping to get you undressed and you’re still wearing slipper socks from your last visit, or we find ECG leads still stuck to your chest!
You know you’re a frequent flyer when … your doc asks you to come over to his house “and bring the kids!”
You know you’re a frequent flyer when … your doc asks you for motorcycle advice and wants to go riding with you and your husband.
You know you’re a frequent flyer when … your doc changes practices and moves farther away, but asks that you still bring your kids in for yearly check ups and offers to career counsel your kids when they get older.
(btw, all true. LOVED the family doc)
You know you’re a frequent flyer when… dietary knows your preference for an extra side of bacon with meals each time you are readmitted for chest pain.
…when you have a brass plate with your name on it on “your” chair in the waiting room.
…you bring your own, personalized hospital gown with you.
…your insurance card has the numbers worn off of it.
When the mother says, “She said her first word last week: EMLA!”
When you tell the doc, “I remember when you were just a little intern! And now look at you: an attending!”
When you know exactly who has just arrived when the triage nurse smiles at you and says “Guess who just…”
When the data points from the growth chart are all from ER visits and not the PCP.
When you have more visits to the ER than total months of your age (26 visits before 2nd birthday) in an otherwise completely healthy child.
When the Radiologists refuse to perform any more CT scans (teen girl with chronic abd pain) because they are afraid to give her cancer.
When the mother tells you, “I’m SO glad you are on! Drs. X, Y, and Z never listen like you do!”
All but the first have happened to me…and I’m sure it’s only a matter of time…
When you walk in and everyone says “Norm!!” like in cheers and you make some snappy comment.
When you see their name in the obits and stop by the funeral home.
When you can tell the babe in the woods M2 where the best food options are in the hospital and where everything is in the exam room.
When you return for your second (or third) visit in a shift so rapidly that your name is still on the board because the secretary hasn’t had time to discharge you from the computer.
When your wardrobe consists primarily of paper hospital scrubs, hospital socks, and you carrying everything else in a hospital belongings bag.
When your triage note reads simply “Here for his daily visit.”
…when the triage nurse give check out “that’s the third boyfriend she’s brought with her this week.”
… when you have your own coffee mug in the break room.
…when you plan your visits to match the schedule of your favorite doctor…which you have memorized.
…when you start chatting up other patients, telling them which doctors and nurses are good and which are bad. And you have personal anecdotes for each.
…your name is on the “do not utter” list at the nurse’s station (say it and patient is admitted).
When the ER doc calls to admit, the admitting physician asks “is he intubated already?” once he hears your name, and before he hears you’re back in for another CHF exacerbation brought on because you ran out of money for your medicines but not for your beer.
When the ER staff memorizes your 9 yo daughter’s birthday and gets her a cupcake because we feel sorry for her
When I have your 15+ list of “allergies” memorized. along with your birthdate, meds, History
You have “your room”
Your healthy child’s chart weighs more than they do (No lie, this actually occurs)
Your medical records have to be brought to the ER in 2 boxes on a rolling dolly
…when even non-medical personnel without access to the EMR know your full name, typical complaint(s), and possibly your family member/caregiver’s phone number.
EMS fills out the Name, Address, SSN, PMH, Allergies, Chief Complaint, HPI, PE, TX and TP of their report before arriving on scene.
…on teaching rounds the resident begins with, “It’s John,” and then proceed directly to the next patient.
The physicians have a standard dictation template / EMR template exclusively for you. (My EMS unit has transported the same person 106 times last calendar year – of her 183 ED visits. I finally authorized the creation of an EMS EMR template for her.)
When your doctor doesn’t ask you the same questions about your personal life that they did last time (love my GP, but she really needs to start writing these down, or get a greater range of small talk or something).
When your doctor has your entire medical record number and social security number memorized. Maybe even your credit card number.
…when you have a EMR note saved with the patient’s typical exam and chief complaint on it for easy access.
…when the doc say things like, “I’d rather set fire to my hair with a blowtorch than give you narcotics.”
…when you become the “Free Space” on the staff’s “ER Bingo” game (and, worse, if you have a copy yourself and mark your own free space every time you come).
you arrive by ambulance with your luggage and ask for room 421.
…when Press-Ganey stops mailing you surveys because you skew their data.
You’re a frequent flier when the nurse gets your chart and has orders for meds for the next 8 hours and the doc hasn’t seen you yet. Those meds were prepared when the nurse got the call from EMS before the doc knew about your arrival.
…when the CPOE system has an order set named after you with all your favorite meds.
When even the lab knows your name….
When housekeeping knows how you like your bed made..
…… When your own family won’t come pick you up because they are sick of your crap!
…… When you have more frequent flier er
visits then airline frequent flier points
…… When you’re admitted and there is a “welcome home” banner in your room!
When you get irrate that your mail is not getting to your room. (really happened).
When it would be cheaper for the state to buy you your own EKG machine complete with on-call staff than to keep funding your hypochondria-induced visits for chest pain.
…and you could probably use it on yourself AND be able to read the EKG.
When you list your favorite ED doc as your PCP.
My personal experience:
1.When you quickly triage yourself before the nurse asks you a question and all she has to do is write down what you tell her because you are telling her everything you know she will ask and then she tells the doc “She basically triaged herself.”
2. When you know the names of most of the staff in all the ancillary departments of the hospital… and they remember you too.
3. When you leave a small over night bag packed indefinitely in case you end up having to stay over again.
4. When you know exactly how to position yourself on the OR table.
5. When you know how to position yourself for most radiologic procedures and then glow in the dark because of all the radiologic testing!
6. When you reset your own beeping monitors.
7. When you have special flip flops you wear in SDS or as an inpatient… otherwise known as your hospital sandals.
8. When you are in doc’s office (happened today) and you inform nurse she doesn’t have to go over pre-op sheets because you know the drill… and you do.
9. When you have a collection of hospital gowns you still need to return.
10. When you begin taking your clothes off when staff is still there because you are no longer shy about getting nekkid in front of anyone.
My experience as hospital staff:
11. When you know the names of the parents,the kids, the aunts, uncles and grandparents in one family and their friends because they all come in together every time they come in.
12. When you feel really sad when one of those people get sick and/or die.
13. When you miss the patients that move away.
14. Your having dinner in the Cafeteria and ER doc comments on patient’s underwear and you know who she is… everyone does.
When Tex writes a song about you.
…when the hospitalist just copies last week’s h & p into the EMR, after changing the vital signs and labs.
You know you are a frequent flier when you have learned how to hack the PCA machine to give yourself a bolus of morphine.
You know you are a FF when the city is giving you a monthly stipend to not call EMS every single day.
You know you are a frequent flier when every single person that works in the ED (all shifts) knows your full name, and your name comes up in pre-shift meetings whenever you are in or have been seen near the hospital.
true stories
You’re a frequent flyer when your OB doc can recite your phone number when the answering service pages her at night.
When the ED nurse calls to check up on you because you haven’t been in for a while
When the ER staff take up a collection to pay a taxi to take you home.
When there is a betting pool to guess your blood alcohol level. 25 cents per bet: winner is closest without going over the actual level.
When you receive “bus therapy,” a one-way ticket to someplace at least 100 miles away.
When the ER room where you usually sleep it off is unofficially named after you.
I won that pool once. Lucky guess tho.
…when the admit clerk tells the er tech assisting in triage that their friend is here and they never need to ask who.
You know you’re a frequent flier when the entire ED staff can identify you by smell.
You know you’re a frequent flier when one of the ED nurses has had to file a restraining order against you.
where I used to work on of the ER techs did get a restraining order against a patient. That patient was know to call our ED from other hospitals to ask if said tech was working that night.
When the hospitalist answers the page with “he’s still alive??!!”
-all the nurses on the floor know your PMH, Allergies and other pertinent data by heart.
-when someone says, “Oh, John’s back.” the first question is “How drunk is he?”
-EMS and the ED staff have a protocol just for you.
-the nursing staff actually misses you when you’re finally gone (terminal discharge) because it’s so strange that you haven’t shown up for awhile.
-you have your own fridge and microwave that is kept on the unit for you.
1) You only come to the ER on days ending in “y”.
2) The cafeteria’s “nacho Wednesday” is calling your name.
3) Triage nurses immediately engage in a heated “rock paper scissors” upon your arrival.
4) We have your discharge paperwork ready… before you present to the window.
5) You have been portrayed in the staff’s Christmas party skits.
The poorer families are adopted by hospital staff during the Christmas adopt-a-family (food, clothes toys given by all the departments) ..each adopting a different family)that are *known* to staff and are in need.
…when the patient lists an ER Physician as their primary care doctor.
Wow– I don’t have an entry but it’s going to be tough for you to choose a winner. Great posts!
Sadly, I am a F/F, as was my husband. The pre-op staff at our city hospital know us on a first AND last name basis.
…when the registration girl asks you who to notify in case of emergency and you point to the medics behind you and say “These guys!”
…when you walk into the ER for treatment and the admitting physician chuckles to themselves something about ‘Beetlejuice’ and getting someone back on their next shift.
….when you list your drug dealer as your Emergency Physician of choice
….when your complete treatment in the ED involves a coffee bolus and a plate of french toast
ooohhh…one more
…when the staff of the medevac helicopter knows exactly who you are based on mechanism of injury
…when you know better than to drop by on holidays or during the first week of July.
… if you have more aliases than teeth.
You know you’re a frequent flyer when …
The only person on the ER staff happy to see you again is the one who won the pool.
you ask the ambulance to turn around and take you home based on which ED Doc’s car is parked in the lot.
…your patient asks you about the new car you drove to work that day.
Why does it say there are 59 comments, but I can only see 7?
… the staff automatically fill in DOB, address etc when you present
… the nurses automatically prepare for your treatment before a dx/order from the doc
… staff can answer any of your questions by rote
I know I’m late, but I had to share mine from when I was pregnant with my oldest son.
You know you’re a FF when…
You carry your own monitoring belts and have shaved your arms so the I.V. tape no longer rips it out.