Sorry for the delay in getting these out. Certain editors [ahem] were a little pokey.
Competition was tough. There were many similar responses, so if the editors liked one response, they chose the first of the similar responses. Couldn’t narrow it down any further than this, so we’re doing five winners.
Winners for the answer to the question “You know you’re a frequent flyer when …” are:
ThorMD
… EMS calls in their report, and their entire report is, “It’s Mary”.
Second Shift
… your wardrobe consists primarily of paper hospital scrubs, hospital socks, and you carrying everything else in a hospital belongings bag.
Doctor D
… the triage nurse give check out “that’s the third boyfriend she’s brought with her this week.”
911doc
… you arrive by ambulance with your luggage and ask for room 421.
medstud(ent)
… you have learned how to hack the PCA machine to give yourself a bolus of morphine.
Thanks for all the great submissions!
Winners – please contact editor@epmonthly.com to claim your prizes.
The last one made me think of a pair of sickle-cell identical twins who would trade faking a crisis and then break into the PCA pump on the floor and trade hits.
the patient i was talking about actually did have sickle cell. also seemed to have a touch of borderline personality disorder.