The WhiteCoat family just got back from a trip for the past 3-4 days so that dad and mom could do some public speaking.
During the trip home, we got off on an exit and were eating in a restaurant when I noticed that the young mom from the family sitting next to us had left her purse under her chair.
So I’m going to bring the ethical dilemma to you all. Mrs. WhiteCoat and I got into a discussion about what should be done.
One of us thought that we should check in mom’s purse for a cell phone and call some of the “recent calls” to try to get in touch with them before they got too far away. If there wasn’t a phone, then we could use the ID to find out where they lived and place a call to home either to get in touch with someone who could contact them or at least so they knew where the purse was when they checked messages.
The other one of us thought that if we touched the purse, we would probably be accused of taking something from it and we should just give the purse to the waitress and forget about it.
What would you do?
I would ask to speak with the manager, and in view of the manager, search for some kind of identity and place a call. That way you have third-party witnesses and both you and the manager would be able to out each other if there were some nefarious deeds. I’d think the family would immediately go back to the restaurant to find their stuff. By the way, love the posts!
I was just going to write what Stacy wrote!
I have been on both sides of this, having found purses and having my wife’s purse left behind. Perhaps it is because we are in a small town, but this has never been a concern, we rummaged through to get contact info, and there was never a question if we had stolen anything. Nor have we had anything stolen.
Tell your waitress that the peeps left their phone/purse. Not your job to fiddle with it. I waited tables x 8 years and, at the later end, when people had cell phones, I’d often get “calls” from the people seeing where the phone was.
Sorry. Giving it to the restaurant staff is just as bad as reaching in and taking out all the cash, because that is exactly what happens before you even make it back to your car. Either return it yourself, or turn it in at the police station. THEN call the restaurant manager and give them a case number.
Down here in the South, if you leave your phone and the restaurant staff returns it at all, at least $500 in calls to Guatemala comes with it.
Trust me. Restaurant staff is not your friend.
Just leave it with the manager of the restaurant. When the woman notices her purse is missing, its the first place she’ll look.
I’ve “left” such items before and was pleased that whoever found them called the “home” number(that is how it is identified on the cell) so I could fetch my belongings.
In this case, I would have carried it to the manager if you were afraid of being accused, and said that you found it, but wanted someone to watch while you looked for a cell phone or address or something to help them get it back…
I’d just give it to the manager.
I once was in Girdwood, Alaska for a CME 2 years ago (great conference) and after a run through the woods and around the town, I got back to the hotel without my cell phone.
Someone in town turned in my cell phone to a local restuarant and they called my home number to tell my wife. I got the phone back, ate there, and bought a painting on the wall out of gratitude. I forgot the name of the restuarant, but I was grateful for the honesty and decency of the people there.
As a kid, I was a do-gooder. At the swimming pool we went to (private), around age 11 or so, I was waiting for my parents, and noticed that someone had left their purse alone on a picnic table (though it was a private pool, no one left their purses in plain sight like that!). Since I knew everyone there, I picked it up, looked inside, and found a checkbook right on top– perfect! I could return it to the owner.
The owner saw me do this, grabbed me by the hair, and accused me of stealing from her. Called the police and everything, and held me BY the hair until the police got there (even though my parents had just arrived). Everyone at the swimming pool thought she was nuts. The police thought she was nuts, and I’m still not sure why my parents didn’t press charges against her for, you know, assaulting their kid. No good deed goes unpunished, and to this day, if I see someone’s lost purse or wallet, I don’t go anywhere near it.
Never touch it. Don’t touch it, you can’t be held response, or even accused.
Call the manager over, point it out. Leave it at that. Anything more and you open yourself up to a lot of potential issues/problems.
Especially if you take it out of the place and head to the police station to turn it in. What if you get stopped just walking out of the place, long before you get a chance to get to the police station. Now it looks like you are taking it. Just your word that you had good intentions.
My dad lost his newly picked up RXs in a cart outside the store. As soon as he realized they were missing, some very nice stranger drove to the house and delivered them. She saw the bag in the cart outside…
I also think that leaving the purse up to the management or staff is a bad idea. Often the “shift leaders” may be the only one on staff.
You could also try to reach the person by phone or contact person…and then tell them that the purse will be left at the resturant…and then make sure the employee knows that you called and there will be someone in to claim it. That way there is a more liability placed on the restaurant and incentive to keep it safe.
Matt or Max, any advice?
If I remember my High School Business Law course, when she mislaid her purse a bailment was created between her and the restaurant. So technically the restaurant has a minimal duty of care.
This is only the law and not real life though. So, I would advise not messing with the purse, definitely tell a manager though.
In the past, I would have opened it up to look for a phone or license. I think that’d be the nice thing to do. Now? I’d probably point it out to the manager/wait staff, and let them deal with it. :/ I am an honest person, and it would be upsetting if I were to be acused of stealing from someone, especially if I didn’t.
I’m kind of curious to know who was on each side of this debate…
As a person who has accidentally left her purse somewhere, I have never been anything but grateful that someone looked inside and found a way of contacting me to return it. Sure, I checked to make sure everything was there, but it did not cross my mind to outright accuse someone of stealing from me without any reason. I’ve also left my wallet somewhere and had someone use all of my credit cards, so I know not everyone is well-intentioned. Personally, I think if someone goes out of their way to contact me, I’m going to lean toward giving them the benefit of the doubt that they are just doing a good deed.
Okay.. nothing to do with the post -I’ll come back… but I am experiencing color envy!
I want to be JB’s color with a
.
Unless you are pressed for time, dig through the purse, call some numbers, try to track down the individual, right there in the open. Don’t be furtive about it. Don’t feel (or act) guilty about it.
If you don’t want to live in a country where everyone is assumed to be a criminal, then, stop worrying about what other people might think, and do what you know is the Right Thing. [Lead by example, and all that. My 2c]
As a current restaurant worker both at the operations level and management I would let a manager know asap. Not all servers or people are honest so bad things could always happen but it is often procedure to attempt to contact the owner and hold the item in the safe for a week or so.
Griffin has my exact sentiments.
I wanted to open up the purse and try to call the family before they got too far away. Mrs. WhiteCoat was adamant that we just give the purse to the waitress. So that’s what we did.
I also used to open someone’s car door and turn off their headlights if they were left on. Now I wonder what people will think of me if they see me opening up a car door, reaching inside, then leaving.
The whole purse thing bothered me the rest of the ride home.
What is wrong with us when stop doing the right thing because we are too afraid of the bad things that could happen to us … for doing the right thing?
“What is wrong with us when stop doing the right thing because we are too afraid of the bad things that could happen to us … for doing the right thing? ”
For too long we’ve been holding back from doing what we know is right when we see how others are wrongfully accused and the negative consequences.
People that know better stay silent.
Fear is contagious.
If more people stand up and do what’s right ..then I believe more people will do so.
Something else is different though. people also look away, are apathetic and don’t care.
Values are different.
It’s sad.
What’s wrong with people that can *watch* a 15 yr old girl get gang raped/brutalized without intervening or calling for help. SICK!
I’m sorry for digressing into something so serious… but it ties into to your “what’s wrong with people”.
People have to take a stand for what’s right, speak up, help and be outraged when appropriate.
The good people have to be heard and outnumber the bad ones.
It must’ve felt good to turn it in.. doing the right thing.
Once I walked back into the store to pay for a light bulb that I missed in the shopping cart and the girl at check out didn’t catch either. The woman at the desk seemed surprised that I walked back in to pay for it… and that caused me to feel good and hoped it was a good example.
You get accused of theft, have to defend it in court, your job puts you on administrative leave, you get convicted, you have to report it to the medical board, and you have to disclose “theft” on all your future job applications until you die…How is risking any of this the “right” thing to do? Besides, chicks don’t like doods digging in their purses under regular circumstances.
Anyone would be appreciative of someone who just pointed it out to a manager and made it so the purse wasn’t easily accessible to anyone who walked by.
One night some years ago I was driving home through an elegant neighborhood when I saw a really big cat lying on its tummy at the end of a driveway, just in the street. I expected the cat to run back into the driveway when I drove by it (making sure I went wide around it), but it didn’t. That bothered me, so I stopped just down the street, parked and walked back to the cat. It still didn’t move. You know, of course, the kitty was dead.
All I could think about was some little kid coming out to catch the bus the next day and finding his or her kitty lying dead in the street. I went to the house that belonged to the driveway; the kitty wasn’t theirs, but they knew it belonged to their next door neighbors. They called the neighbors, who came out to look. Some other neighbors saw people gathering at the end of the driveway (at 9:00 at night or so) and came to see what was going on. Pretty soon there was a little crowd.
And I suddenly realized that NO ONE believed my story that I was just driving through the neighborhood and found the cat. All of them believed that I had been the one who hit it.
They were incredibly nice about it (a lot nicer than I would probably be to someone I believed had just killed one of my pets). They did at least believe I was concerned about the children in the family; it turned out the family had several small children and the parents were indeed glad that they could bury the cat and deliver the news to the kids in a less traumatic way. Nonetheless, by the time I got back in my car and drove on, my cheeks were burning and I felt guilty even though I had done nothing but the right thing. I cried all the way home, partly for the kitty and the family who would miss it and partly for having assumed the identity of the culprit in the eyes of that neighborhood.
I think you’re right. Sometimes when you do the right thing you get rewards; sometimes you get blame. You shouldn’t base your decision to do the right thing on what you expect other people’s reactions to be.
I think it’s because there are no Good Samaritan Laws that apply to this situation. We are so afraid to do the right thing because we can’t guess what’s in people’s hearts (other than our own). BTW, I’d point it out to management & let them handle it from there.
In my Tao, lost items found in a public place are turned over–without tampering–to the public place’s management for safe return. (I basically trust humans.) In the absence of a “hierarchy”, I assume responsibility.
My choices of action are not based on fear.
I would’ve brought it back to management.
But I can appreciate what Nonny said and perhaps would be better to call them right then and there.
I also like what griffin is saying about just call and don’t worry what people think.
Then again.. it never hurts to be protective these days ..which is too bad.
One Friday night, a week before Thanksgiving ..I had to park way out from the store. The second i got out of my car when I got home..I realized I left my purse in the shopping cart. My wallet, checkbook and savings information were all in my purse.
I couldn’t get back to the store fast enough… went up to the front desk to see if they had it. They handed my purse back to me. The person who found it could have easily stolen it.
I was so grateful and wished I could’ve thanked them personally!
It’s unfortunate that you can’t even really touch the purse nowadays without having to go through a dilemma like this; so I agree with most of the other people and just give it to the manager.
Nurse K – you said,”Besides, chicks don’t like doods digging in their purses under regular circumstances.”
That’s hilarious … but true.
When my daughter was about 4 she found a $20 bill on the ground at Six Flags. Just the bill, no identifying marks. We took it to the lost and found but they told us they couldn’t id the owner and it would just go into their funds. We let her choose what to do and she donated the money to a charity.
That said I would prefer to let the management deal with a purse or wallet.