I don’t rant a lot about my personal life, but tonight you’ll have to bear with me.
I’ve had problems with chronic pain due to a disease I have. It comes and it goes. Some days I hardly realize it’s there, sometimes it is significant. The past couple of days have been particularly bad pain days.
I went to bed last night and Mrs. WhiteCoat was trying to talk me to going to the emergency department as a patient and I basically told her that would not occur unless one of my vital bodily functions ceased to function. Even when trying to hide the pain, I had difficulty moving around and difficulty finding a comfortable position. A few ibuprofens gave me a sour stomach, but took the edge off the pain enough for me to fall asleep.
Today was a little better until I tried to put on a shirt. When I reached over my head, I felt like someone shanked me with a hot knife. I couldn’t take a deep breath and started wondering whether or not I had collapsed a lung. Slowly the pain died down to the point that I could move again.
I sat at the computer and typed out a few e-mails, shallow breaths and all, trying to find the position that caused the least amount of pain. When I was done, I had to decide what to try to do with the rest of the day.
I took our new dog outside for a little walk in the snow. Watching him run around and flip snow in the air with his nose took my mind off of me. By the time we got back, I decided to shovel the driveway.
Yeah pushing the shovel hurt at first. As I tossed the snow in the air, the dog started to jump up and bite at the snow in the air. I started to laugh. Then he started to run along side the shovel and bark at the snow. I started flipping snow at him randomly as I was shoveling. He jumped up in the air and flipped backwards into the snow banks biting at the snow I had flipped in the air. Before I knew it, half the driveway was finished and the dog was running in circles in the yard like he had just snuck a couple of Red Bulls out of the fridge in the garage.
Funny thing happened. The pain was better.
Don’t get me wrong. I still hurt. But when the kids came home from school, I wasn’t chewing a hole in my lip when I gave them hugs and had them sit on my lap to tell me how their day went.
Sometimes the less you dwell on pain, the less you have pain.
Goes back to the difference between life and living.
You have to live your life, but you do it living with a disease, not living for a disease.
Sometimes it does you good to tell the disease to get lost for a while.