The Black Knight of the Night

Black KnightA lady gets brought in by ambulance for suicidal ideation. During the radio report we can hear her screaming at the paramedics in the background. Bad sign.

She started messing around with Jose Cuervo and Jose got her good. Drunk off her rocker. Going to kill herself and everyone around her. And she was an angry drunk, not a happy drunk.

She was cussing at the police. She was cussing at the staff. She would bug her eyes out of her head and scream when someone tried to examine her. She threatened to hit the staff and then cocked her fist at the security guard.

Stick a fork in you, lady, you’re getting matching sets of leather wrist and ankle bracelets.
Police and the patient’s sister helped hold her down while the restraints went on.

“You BITCH! How could you let them do this to me?”
“Chill out, sis,” the sister calmly replied.

She didn’t chill out. She got worse. She started trying to shake the bed back and forth.

OK, you’re getting a “B-52″ – otherwise known as 5 milligrams of Haldol and 2 milligrams of Ativan. Of course, we had to hold her arm down to start the IV. She was spitting and growling like some caged animal. Then she saw one of the medication syringes coming her way. “Don’t you put that stuff in me! DON’T YOU PUT THAT STUFF IN ME!”  Then she started growling and shaking herself up and down when we pushed it.

If there was a full moon out that night we would have needed a silver bullet.

Once the medications were in, she started threatening to kick our asses. Individually and collectively. She looked at me and said “YOU’RE FIRST!”

“Go to sleep. You can’t do much else right now anyway, lady, you’re in restraints.”
“Yeah, well if you come near me I’ll … I’ll … bite your balls off.”

Thanks for the heads up. If I decide to remove my scrub bottoms and walk around the room in a G-string, I’ll make sure to steer clear of the head of the bed.

Ten minutes later …

If you don’t know what the reference to the movie is, watch this. Pay special attention to the last line in the scene.

14 Responses to “The Black Knight of the Night”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Whats the Haldol do for her?

  2. Nurse K says:

    You have a lot of kids…maybe wouldn’t have been a bad idea to parade yourself in said G-string in front of the patient-jaw. Bad economy and all that…

  3. cynic says:

    Good to see you met my ex wife. Careful though, she’s one of matts peeps.

  4. Katherine says:

    You guys are allowed to do that? Won’t you get sued? Anyway cool story.

  5. John Cleese says:

    Good ol’ Monty Python!

    It’s just a flesh wound.

  6. Linda Blair says:

    Actually sounds a bit more like “The Exorcist” than the “Holy Grail.”

  7. SeaSpray says:

    A little excitement on your shift? So ..did she turn back into her demure, polite self in the morning or was that her charming personality magnified more so by the alcohol?

    I was thinking she sounded possessed too, but I see the connection with the last line. “I’ll bite your legs off!” LOL! Gotta love his tenacity and can do spirit! ;)

    My monitor is old and so the actual clip was too dark for me to really see much. I thought I saw some blood squirt out. Love the last line.

    So WC ..now I have these 2 images I wonder about. Do men really go commando under kilts? And ED docs in g strings under scrubs. You do realize …that now ..after this post ..the very next male doctor I see in scrubs ..my brain will automatically envision said Dr in a g string under his scrubs… and I am going to have to pretend the thought never occurred to me and that might be hard to do and I better not blush. :)

    You made me laugh out loud with this post.

    B-52 ..also funny.

    Thanks! :)

  8. This is where I think a videotape of her admission would be a nice discharge gift.

    If people only could see their behavior in the light of day…

  9. Great post…you captured this room perfectly. We had one of these patients a few weeks back, what a pleasure to treat. Just what I signed up for…LOL Enjoy your day.

  10. SeaSpray says:

    Albino – I have often said that and wholeheartedly agree with you.

    • The one and only time I don’t mind when people whip out their camera phones in the ED. To show their friend how sub-awesome it was when they almost choked on their own vomit and peed themselves.


  11. SeaSpray says:

    Albino – Amen!

    There should be a moratorium on privacy laws when these events happen.

  12. ERP says:

    I think she needed a “10-4 Good Buddy”
    It would have been funny is she yelled at you while you left “Running away are you?! You yellow bastard!!!!’

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