1_61_monkey_rhesusHe wasn’t your ordinary patient in police custody.

A burly kid in handcuffs was brought in by police after being in a fight with his girlfriend. He had been drinking and when the police arrived, he wasn’t exactly cooperative. In fact, he irritated the officer enough that the patient got “tazed.” The patient fell to the ground and whacked his head pretty good. Then he just laid on the ground and rolled on his back.

One of the other things that happened during the incident was that the patient lost control of his bowels and bladder. As he was walking down the hall, he had feces all the way up his back and both pant legs were soaking wet. We could smell him coming. The officer was leading the patient down the hall by the arm with one hand and holding his other hand up over his face.

That’s one way to get seen sooner.

The officer brought him in to get the lump on his noggin checked and because couldn’t get the probes out of the patient’s side.

The patient was upset and minimally cooperative. The doc taking care of the patient medically cleared him fairly quickly and removed the probes.

The nurse brought a pair of paper scrubs for the patient to change into. The patient refused. The tech tried to help clean the patient up a little as well. The patient refused that, too.

“Nah. I have to ride in the police car back to the station. I’m not changing nothin’. He’s going to have to clean up his back seat after he’s done with me and he’s going to have to live with the smell the rest of the day. He wanted me to sit on a towel on the way over here. I pulled that damn thing out from under me as soon as he closed the door. And I rubbed my ass all over his back seat, too. I’m not changing my clothes in lockup, either.”

The officer gritted his teeth and shook his head while mumbling under his breath.

The poo rubber.

Maybe the patient is a shoestring relative of this thing.

7 Responses to “Paybacks”

  1. rlbates says:

    Hope he doesn’t end up with a bad case of “diaper rash” just to pay the officer back. Wouldn’t that be Karma?

  2. Ugh! The smell is rushing back to me from working the overnights this past weekend. Funny post.

  3. Green says:


    As far as the suspect’s contention that “I’m not changing my clothes in lockup, either,” I think the jail officers – not to mention his fellow cellmates if he doesn’t have a private cell – will beg to differ. Okay, they ain’t gonna’ beg. Feces-boy will probably be the one doing the begging.

  4. Thank you for reason #105 why I don’t want to be a cop.

    I suspect this character ended up being rinsed off with a firehose once he got to jail.

  5. Chris P says:

    I had a fellow come in last year after being tazed, and one of the probes was lodged in a very, very tender part of the male anatomy. Talk about Karma.

  6. SeaSpray says:

    So Gross! He deserves the rash.

Leave a Reply

seven − 2 =

Popular Authors

  • Greg Henry
  • Rick Bukata
  • Mark Plaster
  • Kevin Klauer
  • Jesse Pines
  • David Newman
  • Rich Levitan
  • Ghazala Sharieff
  • Nicholas Genes
  • Jeannette Wolfe
  • William Sullivan
  • Michael Silverman

Subscribe to EPM