Three strange things overheard in the ED during my last shift …
Over the police scanner: “I need an available unit to respond to the corner of 5th Avenue and Clark for report of a black male walking down the street with his pants too low. The complainant says that it looks like something dangerous may be weighing down his pockets.” At least the suspect won’t get away in a foot chase.
On a patient’s past medical history: “Allergies include penicillin which causes rash, sulfa which causes rash, Benadryl which causes dry mouth [a side effect, not an allergy], and mosquito bites which cause … itchy red welts.” The thing that gets me most about this “allergy” is that the docs just dictate it back into the chart with each subsequent admission – like its the real deal. Now we need to keep a can of Deep Woods Off at bedside at all times.
Nurse going off shift to unit secretary: “I can’t wait to go home to watch the new episode of Hoarders.” Sorry, but when the highlight of your day is watching people have nervous breakdowns when garbage is hauled out of their houses, you need to take up a new hobby. Maybe hanging out in the ED waiting room?