WhiteCoat

New Flavor of Dog Biscuit

All you dog food manufacturers listen up.

Based upon extensive testing in the WhiteCoat household, I have come up with a new flavor of dog biscuit that dogs will absolutely love.

It’s called “Bloody Human Wound Dressings.”

One of our dogs actively digs through the garbage in our bathroom to find the damn dressings from my incision site. Even though I wrap them up, she rips the bandages off of them and chews them like bubble gum until all the flavor is gone, then leaves them on our bedroom floor for us to retch over when we find them.

I’d post pictures, but have a feeling that I have already grossed people out enough with this post.

OK, maybe they can be called “Congealed Granulation Tissue?”

Now I think I’ve grossed people out enough.

34 Responses to “New Flavor of Dog Biscuit”

  1. DocV says:

    Be careful! Once they taste human blood…

  2. DefendUSA says:

    WC-
    We had an English Sheepdog who would look for the undies in the laundry that had menstrual stains on them…and yep…chew them up and spit them out.

    Gnasty!!!

  3. Marc says:

    In our house it was always the diapers. The dog would steal one from the diaper pail and hide under the dining room table, slowly chewing through to the creamy centre.

    • Felix Kasza says:

      “… the creamy centre.”

      I haven’t even read any of the later comments yet, but I already know that you have won the award for grossest, nastiest mental image that will impose itself upon my mind until the end of days. Have mercy, I beg, and kill me now!

  4. ThorMD says:

    This is why I have cats. Even though they enjoy ripping the heads off of mice and eating them and killing litters of baby rabbits, at there’s something Darwin-esque about it.

    • JCB says:

      I’m a bit late to this discussion, however, I do have to say that cats are not immune to such things.

      My wife had two JP drains in, post abdominoplasty and panniculectomy.

      Given her propensity for building up fluid postoperatively, they were in for a bit after she came home.

      One day we discovered that the JP bulbs must have smelled like gravy to a feline, as one of the housecats decided that he was going to go after one of the bulbs pinned to her pajamas. My wife couldn’t figure out why he wanted to get under the blanket so badly until he tried to take a bite at the JP drain cap.

      Quoth the wife: “I have never been so acutely aware that we are all made of meat, and that the cats would readily eat me if there was no other food available.”

  5. Nevermind says:

    We veterinarians have known this for a long time. They also, how do I put this properly, really like used female sanitary products that are used monthly. Yea, I probably just beat you in the gross out department didn’t I? ;-)

    • tracy says:

      Oh, yes…when i was young, our Collie loved this kind of thing….best to keep the doors to the bathroom closed….during “that time”.

    • taytayalis says:

      I wish you would have told me this about 8 years ago. Stayed at my new boyfriend’s parent’s house (now my in-laws) during that time of the month and didn’t realize their dog would leave little presents made out of my trash around the house while we were at dinner. Thankfully my boyfriend followed me around with a trashcan while I picked them all up… shoulda known back then he was the one for me!

  6. Essay says:

    Nevermind beat me to the punchline, although I can add a bunch of other strange things dogs eat. I know cases of socks, underwear and one … uh … personal massaging device.

  7. Sarah says:

    One of my parents dogs used to have a penchant for Barbie dolls. He’d eat them, and never seemed to understand that the big round things that got stuck on the other end were connected to the dolls he ate. :\

    My sister’s dog used to love dirty underwear (not necessarily with menstrual stains), and all of my parents dogs have loved getting into the litter box.

    And people wonder why I get grossed out when a dog tries to lick me.

    • MiniMedic says:

      Our dog did “panty-raids” as well, even going so far as to bring my mother’s underwear into his dog bed. (I swear he hung his head in shame when I discovered him with it.)

      However, I once encountered a husky going to freakin’ town on my used menstrual products in a home where the owners were graciously allowing us housespace as we waited for the Army to resolve our hosuing situation…

  8. My stomach is twisted in a knot, very similar to how it was last week when I got a GI bleed all over myself!

    Skip the middle and just let the dog lick the wound, already! LOL

    Hope you are recovering well, friend.

  9. Ed says:

    Thank you all for the innovative new hunger abatement program.

  10. Sarah says:

    Ed, what do you expect? I grew up in an ER doc’s household. This was dinnertime conversation for us! XD

  11. Tracy2 says:

    Oh dear, better hide them better – think bowel obstruction. Think expensive surgery for the pooch.

    And I agree, let the dog lick the wound – there is some healing enzyme in dog spit. Seriously.

  12. David says:

    Mine used to love to lick my infected ingrown toenails.

    • MamaOnABudget says:

      That’s how my MIL knew my husband (as a child) had an ingrown toenail again – the dog would NOT leave his foot alone!

  13. parastudent says:

    I started heaving at the word “granulation”….
    how the hell am I going to be a paramedic???

    Get well soon, doc!

  14. Meghan says:

    Ha ha, while you’re at it, you may as well invent a poop diaper flavor for our dog. Yuck

  15. horsetech says:

    I think the worst was a friend’s dog who was with her at the barn eating the crusty, hairy, purulent scabs my friend was pulling off of a horse with bad Dermatophilus dermatitis. The thought of the dog eating yellow-green crusty pus and pieces of dead skin with a fur chaser still makes me want to ralph. I’ll admit that dirty baby diapers is also really bad and, sadly, apparently quite popular – or is that poopular? You could have an entire shop of disgusting things that dogs will eat – hairballs horked up by the cat, last week’s leftovers, decomposing deer, horse hoof trimmings (apparently these are doggy crack) . . .

    • Anonymous says:

      You win for worst (/best) story. I’m from the generation that can watch two girls one cup while licking a fudge Popsicle and not heave, but yours was the most gross.

      • horsetech says:

        Glad I could be of service! ;)

        On a related note, while ED doctors have stories about foreign bodies people have put up their rectums, vets have stories about foreign bodies dogs have eaten (I’ll take upper GI over lower GI, thanks). If it’s a Lab or a Beagle, that could be anything from the lacy panties belonging to the girlfriend of the male married owner, to entire chicken carcasses including the bones, to all manner of children’s toys and dog toys, to more bizarre undigestables like bike tires and nail clippers. Treatment ranges from observation or a little apomorphine to euthanasia in the OR for linear foreign bodies (such as string or a leash) that have devitalized too much of the small intestine to do a resection.

  16. medrecgal says:

    Oh, yuck! I’m not especially squeamish, but this has to be one of the grossest blog posts I’ve read in a long time! Makes me glad I only have cats… but I do remember the dog we had when I was a kid that used to try to get to those places mentioned in the comments. Ewww. (And I’m glad you didn’t post any pictures. That would have been double yuck!)

  17. tracy says:

    This post and the replies is Greatness!

  18. Anonymous says:

    Cats FTW. “No I will not eat this tuna fish because it is too red for my preference…take it away!”

  19. Connie says:

    *hurl*

    possibly the grossest post I’ve ever read here.

    Love it

  20. inkgrrl says:

    Ack – I hate it when they do that! Always wonder if it’s a) a tasty, tasty treat; or b) some instinct to hide evidence of a wound so that predators won’t smell same?

    I prefer the second interpretation. Although I have told both my dogs they can totally eat my body if I die without leaving the food bin open.

  21. SeaSpray says:

    Ha! Ha! :)

    Cotton ponies in our house! You know …the ones some women ride every month?

    Younger son was particularly grossed out when Bob our German Shepherd had a cotton pony shredded all over his bedroom floor and bed.

    “MOM! YOU HAVE to clean this up! GROSS!”

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