More Quotes From The ED

I was taking a history on a patient, and, in order to receive appropriate compensation from the government, one of the things that doctors are required to ask about (regardless of whether it has any impact on the patient’s condition or care) is a patient’s social history.
“Do you smoke?”
“Nope. Never.”
“Do you drink alcohol?”
“A little … once in a while.”
At that point, the patient’s wife interrupted. “Sam, be truthful now.”
Then to me, the wife says “Doctor, he has two or three drinks every day.”
The patient got irritated and yells “Marge, will you shut up? For Christsakes! I used to spill more than that when I was younger.”

Then I was talking to one of the maxillofacial surgeons about a patient in his 20s with a tooth abscess that had progressed to Ludwig’s Angina. The surgeon was apparently frustrated because he had recently been taking care of multiple patients with the same diagnosis.
“His airway looks good, but he’ll need to be admitted for IV antibiotics.”
“Let me guess, the guy has about 10 teeth left in his mouth.”
“More than that, but they’re not in very good shape.”
“When are people going to learn that we’re not sharks? Our teeth don’t spontaneously regrow! Toothbrushes, people! Toothbrushes!”
“And floss, too.”

7 Responses to “More Quotes From The ED”

  1. Harshad Wadhar says:

    I asked the patient, a 35 year old female.
    “are you sexually active?”
    “no I just lay there”

  2. anonymous says:

    Umm, my first thought would be meth, not lack of oral hygiene. (The latter too, but not a primary cause)

  3. DocV says:

    While it’s easy to blame meth, it’s not often the case. Maybe about 10% in my practice. The rest is lack of oral hygiene and ignorance of the disease process.

    DocV, DMD

  4. ThorMD says:

    Me: Do you smoke?

    Patient with sheepish grin: Cigarettes?

    Me: Yes

    Patient: No

    Me: What else do you smoke?

    That has happened to me so much I now ask “Do you smoke cigarettes?”

  5. Hueydoc says:

    While repairing a hand lac on a fellow, I asked him if he was left or right handed. When he said “Both” I asked ” Oh- you’re ambidextrious?”.
    The patient had a horrified look on his face and quickly answered ” Oh No ! I LIKE women !”
    Funny enought the first time, but last week another guy said the same thing.

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