I was taking a history on a patient, and, in order to receive appropriate compensation from the government, one of the things that doctors are required to ask about (regardless of whether it has any impact on the patient’s condition or care) is a patient’s social history.
“Do you smoke?”
“Do you drink alcohol?”
“A little … once in a while.”
At that point, the patient’s wife interrupted. “Sam, be truthful now.”
Then to me, the wife says “Doctor, he has two or three drinks every day.”
The patient got irritated and yells “Marge, will you shut up? For Christsakes! I used to spill more than that when I was younger.”
Then I was talking to one of the maxillofacial surgeons about a patient in his 20s with a tooth abscess that had progressed to Ludwig’s Angina. The surgeon was apparently frustrated because he had recently been taking care of multiple patients with the same diagnosis.
“His airway looks good, but he’ll need to be admitted for IV antibiotics.”
“Let me guess, the guy has about 10 teeth left in his mouth.”
“More than that, but they’re not in very good shape.”
“When are people going to learn that we’re not sharks? Our teeth don’t spontaneously regrow! Toothbrushes, people! Toothbrushes!”
“And floss, too.”