I often joke around with my co-workers. I just find that it makes the day go quicker and messing around every once in a while sometimes makes it seem, well, not so much like work.
Wouldn’t you know it … some people just can’t take a joke.
One of the administrators at a clinic where I used to work used to try to razz me quite a bit. She had all kinds of smart-aleck nicknames for me and would make up wacky patient complaints just to try to get my goat. I would give it right back to her. One day, I got to treat her mom during one visit and repeatedly told her mom how much I respected her for having the courage to with her daughter for all these years. By the end of the visit, her mom was rolling her eyes and everyone in the clinic was laughing. Silly stuff like that.
One day the administrator was out sick for a couple of days with “stomach problems.” She called the clinic to see how things were going, and, when she found out that I was working, told the nurses to tell me that she would bring me a present in a bedpan when she returned the following day.
As I’m sure that some of you [soon to be all of you] know, Betadine and toilet paper can be mixed together and molded into some pretty realistic looking … um … shapes. I grabbed a bedpan out of the utility closet, put on some gloves, and used the Betadine/toilet paper combination to create some pretty good looking … shapes … if I do say so myself. Well, you judge for yourself. To the right is a picture of the actual bedpan and offending shapes that I created.
I went to the super secret location where keys to all the offices are located, grabbed the key to the administrator’s office, and snuck into her office when no one was looking. I left the bedpan on her chair and then pushed the chair under the desk so she wouldn’t see it until she went to sit down. Then I snuck out of the office giggling like a little schoolboy, imagining what the administrator would think when she came to work the next day.
I never got to find out.
It turns out that the cleaning lady came that night. The cleaning lady had keys to all the offices. And the administrator’s office was a mess. So when the cleaning lady pulled out the chair to vacuum under the desk, she nearly puked.
Then the cleaning lady called hospital security. Because no one supposedly had keys to the administrator’s office, the event was treated like a break-in.
The security guard called the head of hospital security. Then he called the police.
Then the head of security called the clinic administrator.
Then all of the clinic staff were called one-by-one to find out who would leave a bowl full of excrement on the administrator’s chair. No one fessed up.
One of the nurses remembered the statement that the administrator had directed at me earlier in the day and wondered whether it may have been related to the incident.
So I get a call at home from the head of security.
“Did you happen to go into the administrator’s office today?”
[Already rolling my eyes, sighing, and wondering what the heck happened] “Whyyy?”
“Did you happen to see anything … unusual … while you were in there?”
“The police are looking to arrest someone for disorderly conduct for putting a bedpan full of [feces] in her office, that’s why.”
“You have got to be kidding me. It wasn’t [feces]! It was Betadine … and tissues!”
“Yeah, well the cleaning lady said that it was [feces]. What’s the matter with you, WhiteCoat?”
“Birth injury. Tell the cleaning lady to smell the bedpan. It’s not [feces]. I’m serious. It was Betadine.”
By this time, the cleaning lady had donned a haz-mat suit and had disposed of the offending Betadine sample. Fortunately, the head of security took my word for it.
Multiple phone calls later, the situation was officially … decontaminated.
For the next several weeks, I was razzed by security, by the local police, and, much to my chagrin, by the administrator. Handcuffs on my desk during the next shift. Harr harr. Very funny.
I left a box of Imodium with a bow on it for her the next day.
Somehow, it just wasn’t the same.
If I put some plastic poo inside the Imodium box … now that would have been funny.