Poo issues tend to be interesting. Still haven’t had one that matches up with this poo issue, but nevertheless … poo issues are interesting.
A young woman stated that she had a worm that kept sticking its head out of her “butthole,” wiggling around, and retreating back inside before she could get her pants down and grab it. Damn smart tapeworm, it was.
So we do an x-ray to show her that there is no worm there.
She was OK with the idea until the x-ray didn’t show anything. Then she concluded that worms don’t show up on x-rays.
I dutifully performed a rectal exam on her. Now of course some people have joked about doing an exam and, in the midst of the exam yelling “OW! HE’S GOT ME. OWWWWWWW!” That would be unprofessional, though, so it’s not something that a physician would even think of doing in such a case.
No worm. OK, ma’am you can be safely discharged. Here’s the number for our gastroenterologist.
“Were those lumps eggs?”
“Those lumps inside my rectum … were they eggs?”
“I’m sorry. What are you talking about?”
“Didn’t you feel lumps inside there?”
“No. There were no lumps inside your rectum.”
“Well when I stick my finger in there, I can feel lumps. I just know they’re worm eggs.”
Allllrightey then. Here’s the number for a nematologist, too.
This and all posts about patients may be fictional, may be my experiences, may be submitted by readers for publication here, or may be any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. If you would like to have a patient story published on WhiteCoat’s Call Room, please e-mail me.