WhiteCoat

Dear Diary

[Exhale]

The last few weeks have really been … busy. We’re down a doc at work, so I had to pick up a few shifts and my schedule was already overloaded to begin with. But that’s just the beginning.

Had two graduations – oldest daughter from middle school and youngest daughter from kindergarten. Family was in from out of town. It was good to see everyone, although it is tough to see everyone getting older. Really enjoyed the company. Grandpa is kind of losing it, though. He’s cussing a lot more than he used to, which is funny to me, but shocking to the kids. OK, well, it’s kind of funny to the kids, too. He also gets confused at times. Was trying to put his sunglasses on before going out one afternoon but the neoprene sunglass holders kept getting caught on his ears so he turned the sunglasses and put them on sideways, then spun them so that the neoprene was covering his eyes. Then he couldn’t see and he got cussing so much that he got flustered. So he took the glasses off and tried it again … and he did the same exact thing. It became one of those events where your mind is telling you not to look, but your eyes can’t help it. Then he started cussing at me for laughing at him instead of helping him, which made me laugh even harder. Sorry, Gramps, the “guilt” gene is recessive in Irish people and that whole guilt thing wore off back in childhood. Didn’t work in high school, and it isn’t working now, either. But thanks for making me almost wet myself.

Most of week two weeks ago was full of running three girls back and forth to dress rehearsals and then spending the weekend at a two-day dance recital while simultaneously taking Jr. WhiteCoat to three different lacrosse games. Took over 600 pictures and after one parent saw some of the pictures from the dance recitals, I got offered a job to do a photo shoot for a billboard ad for a local business. I respectfully declined. Offer me one of those new fancy schmancy Canon SLRs and I may reconsider, though.

Let’s see. Oh, we had an important written proposal to finish for my other job. It had to be submitted by last Wednesday AM and, of course, Tuesday I was working from 6AM to 6PM in the emergency department. The whole weekend was taken up, so I’m being antisocial locked in my office trying to finish it on Monday. I send the final version to a co-worker to review at 10:30 PM and got a few suggestions. He wanted to know if I was going to go to Kinkos to print it. “No,” I told him, “I’ve got two color laser printers at home. I can take care of it here.” He says that he prefers to go to Kinkos to avoid the hassle. It’s more of a hassle to get in the car and drive a half hour each way, so shut up. So I complete the proposal at just before midnight. No problem, I can work on 5 hours sleep. I needed to print and overnight 15 copies. I hit the “print” button.
The printer gets midway through the fourth copy and stops.
“Replace belt.”
WTF. I don’t have a belt. Fine. I’ll print it on the other printer.
Get up to copy 11 and then it stops. “End of toner life.”
You have to be kidding me. Well I just happen to have more toner in the basement.
Only problem was that the toner was in bottles, not in a separate cartridge.
So there I was in the kitchen spreading newspaper all over the table and trying to refill the blue toner cartridge. There was a fine blue mist through the air and my arms were starting to look like I was a stunt double from the movie “Avatar.” Mrs. WhiteCoat comes downstairs and starts yelling at me to shut up because everyone else is trying to sleep. All I can think at that time is that if Grampa comes upstairs and starts laughing at me now, we’re going to have a throwdown on the kitchen floor. Finally finished printing everything at quarter after two in the morning.
While Irish people don’t believe in guilt, they do believe in jinxes. And my co-worker is going to get it for jinxing me with that whole printer comment.

Also recently celebrated my anniversary with Mrs. WhiteCoat. She’s still putting up with me after all this time. So I thought I’d surprise her with a present and dinner at her favorite restaurant. I told her I’d be home from work too late to go out for dinner, so we’d have to celebrate over the weekend. But I got someone to come into work early to relieve me and had already made reservations at her favorite restaurant. I changed into shorts and an UnderArmour tee shirt and went to the mall.
Mrs. WhiteCoat likes perfume and she loves samplers, so I bought her a bottle of perfume. With the purchase came an assortment of different samples that the purchaser could choose.
“Would you prefer wrinkle-removing elixir or age-reducing serum?” asked the salesperson.
“I don’t know. Do you think I look more wrinkled or more old?”
She stammered. “Uh … ummmm … is this for y-y-you?”
“Of course. I’ll take the age-reducing serum. Now where is the women’s underwear section?”
She looked at her co-worker and pointed off to the left. Then she put the items in the free pink gift bag that came with the purchase and handed me the receipt.
I walked through the store and noticed that people kept giving me odd looks. Through the mall I was still getting odd looks. Then it hit me. Why is a guy carrying a pink tote bag over his shoulder? I rolled it up and carried it in my hand, but it looked like a pink clutch. So here’s the cool Irish guy in sports gear and slides carrying a pink purse through the mall. After that, when people gave me funny looks, I’d stop, look them up and down, roll my eyes, shake my head and then continue walking. I just hope no one knew me from work. Didn’t see any strange pictures on the bulletin board, so I think I’m safe.
And Mrs. WhiteCoat loved the perfume … and the bag … and the dinner.

Middle daughter got to be one of the feature actresses in an indie horror movie as well. The whole story is about how her mother is really a cross between a vampire and a zombie and how she hides it from the daughter. Eventually the daughter stumbles onto mom’s secret and discovers that she is a vampire zombie as well. So filming for that took four straight days of being in an old house and then an old cabin – neither of which had air conditioning or internet service.
During the movie, the director didn’t want daughter WhiteCoat to see her mother dressed up as a vampire zombie until it happened during shooting so that he could get her real emotions on video.
They begin shooting the scene and daughter WhiteCoat walks up some stairs into the attic and sees her mom with blood all over her face and red eyes from the contact lenses she was wearing. Mom growled at her. Daughter flips out, screams and runs back down the stairs with a terror-filled look in her eyes.
The director loved it. “Great shot! Lots of emotion! Lets do one more take from a different angle!”
Get everything reset and then calls for daughter WC. “Helloooo. This isn’t funny. We have a lot of shooting still left to do. Where are you?”
Looked all through the house for 15 minutes and couldn’t find her. First thought she was hiding on us to play a joke. Then started to get worried. Were considering whether to call the police when one of the crew comes in from outside.
“Why is your daughter sitting in your car by herself? Aren’t we shooting her scenes now?”
Turns out that daughter WC became so scared from the growl that she freaked out and was hiding in the car.
Had to do the rest of the scenes without audio or she wouldn’t come back in the house.
Now I can’t wait to see the movie.

I literally have a list of things I have to write about, but this post is getting way too long already and I have a honeydew list that is also quite long.
Hopefully no more long lapses between posts for at least a little while.

 

One Response to “Dear Diary”

  1. SeaSpray says:

    I busted out laughing several times. Great post!

    I want to exhale just reading it.

    The serum was the better choice.

    Long day – hence short comment by SeaSpray – it’s a miracle! ;)

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