When you’re cleaning up an old house, you move the stove, and you happen to a find a small metal pipe with an unknown substance inside of it, it’s probably not the best idea to take a break, pull up a chair, and smoke whatever is in the pipe.
Should you ignore this advice, you might just see nonexistent bugs wearing Harry Caray glasses buzzing around your head and notice a cadre of hot women spies surrounding the house you were in before you called 911 for a police escort to the hospital.
As a side note, it is not within the purview of an emergency department to send the police to go find the pipe so that they can bring it back to our lab and we can “see the f*** what was inside.” The reason for the demise of this portion of your neuronal network will have to remain “undetermined” in this case. If you just have to know, you could prolly send the pipe to CSI with a letter requesting analysis … along with a check for a few thousand dollars.
In the meantime, enjoy the restraints.
This and all posts about patients may be fictional, may be my experiences, may be submitted by readers for publication here, or may be any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. If you would like to have a patient story published on WhiteCoat’s Call Room, please e-mail me.