WhiteCoat

Dear Diary

I hate the movie Pitch Perfect. Actually I like the movie itself, but my kids won’t stop singing the frigging songs. I have heard the songs from that movie in my sleep for months now. The latest thing that my kids have taken to doing is re-enacting the “cup” scene where Anna Kendrick sings You’re Gonna Miss Me When I’m Gone using a cup. Before school in the morning, “you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.” At night after dinner, it’s a chorus of “you’re gonna miss me when I’m gone.” Without a doubt I am NOT going to miss that damn song when it’s gone. I can’t take it any more. Ditto for Don’t You Forget About Me. My head hurts just thinking about the words.

When I try to go to sleep, then it’s the dogs’ turn. About half of the nights of the week our boxer snores … loudly. Most of the time Mrs. WhiteCoat will call her name and wake her up to stop the snoring. Sometimes, Mrs. WhiteCoat has to throw a slipper at her to wake her up. When that doesn’t work, she’s actually had to tip over the bed a couple of times to get the dog to wake up. Even that didn’t work last night. After being dumped out of bed, the dog woke up, climbed back into bed, and promptly started snoring again. By that time, I was awake and I was tired. So I sat up in bed and yelled like a dog … I barked at the top of my lungs for about five seconds. I think it roughly translated into “wake up and be quiet or I’m going to tie your ears in knots.” Our older dog sat bolt upright in his bed and was looking at me with his head cocked to the side. The boxer was doing a John Belushi imitation (forward to 0:30) spinning back and forth trying to see where the attack was coming from. One of the girls let out a scream from down the hall. I laid back down and then I couldn’t sleep because I was giggling to myself. But the snoring stopped.

Once Mrs. WhiteCoat went to sleep, she had bizarre dreams. In one dream she was trying to get into our oldest daughter’s room, but she couldn’t get the door open. So she broke the door in. It was freezing in the room. Our daughter was sitting on the bed and she could see her breath. “Come on, let’s go,” Mrs. WhiteCoat said. “I can’t move,” our daughter replied. So Mrs. WhiteCoat ran into the room and grabbed her, then headed for the door. The door closed and she opened it. While doing so, she bumped something behind her. She turned around. It was her carrying a laundry basket. Her mirror image dropped the laundry basket, pointed at our daughter, and said … “check her potassium level.” Then she woke up. And no, we didn’t check her potassium level. What are we going to put for the reason … vision in a whacked out dream told me to?

Almost back to normal after surgery. There’s still a bulge there and yes, it is the hernia. Just some postoperative swelling. Have to wait another week before I get back into normal activity. It’s strange not feeling the area pressing up against my pant leg like it used to. And after about six days I no longer feel like I have a weight tied to one of my “boys” … if you know what I mean. Still a little sore walking around, but I’ll get over it soon enough.

I was going to try some walking this week and slowly get back to running on the treadmill, but I can’t do that because Junior WhiteCoat and his friends had to watch some dumb YouTube clips where people were trying to launch themselves off of treadmills. Then they had to try it for themselves and busted the damn treadmill. They bent a roller and they bent the platform and the manufacturer doesn’t make either any longer. Fortunately, I anticipated someone in the house being a victim of dumbassery (Junior was the odds-on favorite) which is why I bought a cheap used treadmill instead of a fancy expensive new one. So said treadmill goes out to the curb this week and I have to look for another used model. Doubt I’ll be able to beat the $150 I paid for the last one, but we’ll see.

So back to the wall thing. I was trying to videotape what I was seeing as I pushed through the insulation. So I had a camera in one hand and a MagLite in the other hand. I used the MagLite to push away the insulation and something flittered in front of the light. I jumped back thinking “Holy second cousin, Batman.” But how could bats be in a wall? Don’t they like to hang? I pushed through the insulation again and a loose piece of insulation pulled off the edge. I found a crawl space behind our closet that I never knew existed. Like 6 or so feet deep, 4-5 feet tall and about 20 feet wide. Damn. It was like a varmint party room in there. On the floor between two rafters were a bunch of chewed up sunflower seeds. Then I stuck my camera in the area and recorded to see if anything was around. Nothing when I reviewed the movie. I put on some protective eyewear and stuck my head inside to look around. Up in the corner of one wall, something had chewed its way through the wall leading to the outside. I stuck a straightened coat hanger in there and went outside to see where the end came out. Couldn’t find it. Then I realized that our house has a brick exterior. More secret passages inside to be discovered.
We called the exterminator, but apparently no one deals with varmints. Only bugs and mice. That’s when hernia surgery stopped me from climbing around further.
The good news is that since I stuck the hanger in the hole, the scratching hasn’t been back, either. So either whatever it is either became pregnant and is hatching spawn to create a habitrail through the walls of our house or it got scared and moved on to another house. I’ve already decided that I’m going to open up the wall and put flypaper and mouse traps all over the place. So I don’t think that the mysterious scratch is of a flying variety. My guess is on a squirrel. We’ll find out next week, I suppose. Maybe I’ll even post a couple of pictures.

2 Responses to “Dear Diary”

  1. Dan says:

    Have you considered getting your dog a sleep study? Sounds like he has sleep apnea and needs a CPAP!

  2. SeaSpray says:

    I enjoyed your post. :)

    How about a breath right? ;)

    I was thinking not only were you awake because of giggling but the barking probably kicked up your alertness a bit. Funny story.

    I know dreams are usually just dreams. But ..sometimes I’ve had some that warned me of something and also encouraged me. I know this may sound weird, but when I have dreams in sequence ..where there is an order to the dream and it is clear to me …they’ve usually been something I needed to pay attention to.

    Good thing nothing flew at you – like a bat. Interesting about the secret passage. I wonder what that was for? Vampires? ;) A friend grew up in a house that had secret passages because it was used to hide run away slaves. Big old house. To this day, my friend swears the house was haunted. They had Great Danes that were always friendly, except sometimes for no apparent reason, in this one room they would become alert, hair on end and growl a low growl. Her dad would get his gun because it was such an uneasy feeling. (Although – how do you shoot a ghost?) Anyway …there were other things that happened in that house and they were okay with it, except in that one room (living room I think).

    Speaking of dogs – I thought of the WhiteCoat family right away when I saw this:

    http://seaspray-itsawonderfullife.blogspot.com/2013/02/dog-guilt-lol.html

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