WhiteCoat

Paybacks

One of our registration clerks thinks she’s pretty slick.

We play little practical jokes on each other every once in a while. One day she’ll unplug the keyboard to my computer when I’m in a room with a patient. I’ll come out to try to enter orders and start pounding the keyboard. Another day I’ll squirt a syringe of saline onto her chair so her butt gets wet when she sits down. And on and on and on.

Recently, she tried to scare me. My desk sits across the station from hers and my back is to her. She thinks I can’t see her, but I can see everything that goes on behind me by the reflection off of the x-ray computer screen. While I was looking at an old chart on the screen, I saw her get up out of her desk, put her finger up to her lips to tell everyone to be quiet, and try to sneak up behind me. She was trying to tip-toe, but I could hear her little clown sneakers squeak as she walked. When she got close enough to me, she dug her fingers into my sides and yelled. I saw it all coming.
I acted like I was sleeping and I stretched my arms up in the air, yawning.
[Yawwwwwwn] “Is it time for me to go home already?”
“You think you’re funny, don’t you WhiteCoat? Just wait. I’ll get you yet.”

When my shift was over, I decided to make a pre-emptive strike.
The registration clerk sits in a little cubby hole of sorts. There’s a line of several windows – one for each registration clerk – with a ledge and two chairs in front of each one. There’s a wall right next to the window where she was sitting. The clerks can’t see around the wall from that seat, so there is a mirror across the hall that the clerks use to see if patients are coming. Due to several slow nights at work, we discovered that shadows in the waiting room created a few blind spots in the mirror.
I said goodnight to everyone, got my coat on, and acted like I was leaving for the night.
I waited a few minutes and watched the clerk in the mirror. Soon she settled into reading a book on her Kindle which she rests on the computer keyboard.
I then pulled my hood over my face, ran up to her window, slammed one of my hands on the desk and in the best Jacob Marley voice I could muster, I yelled “Hellllp!” Then I fell over onto one of the chairs and fell on the floor.
The clerk jumped out of her skin, then screamed.
“Aaaaaah! Where the hell did you come from?!?! Aaaaaaahhhh Get a nurrrrrrse Get a dooooctorrrrrr!”
There were a couple seconds of silence, then her little head poked through the open window over the ledge to look at me on the floor.
I was laughing so hard I had trouble catching my breath.
“Damn you, WhiteCoat! You just made me wet myself.”

And I didn’t even need a syringe of saline to do it.

3 Responses to “Paybacks”

  1. RuthieH says:

    Hahahahahahahaha….That’s almost as good as the cottage cheese trick.

  2. Ally says:

    Ha! I really hope the first thing that came out of her mouth was literally “Where the hell did you come from?!” because that is hilarious!!!

  3. EAST says:

    My favorite was always KY Jelly on the phone receiver. Always call the victim from another extension though.

Leave a Reply


× seven = 42

Popular Authors

  • Greg Henry
  • Rick Bukata
  • Mark Plaster
  • Kevin Klauer
  • Jesse Pines
  • David Newman
  • Rich Levitan
  • Ghazala Sharieff
  • Nicholas Genes
  • Jeannette Wolfe
  • William Sullivan
  • Michael Silverman

Subscribe to EPM