Unique Chief Complaints

I’ve had a few interesting chief complaints lately. Here is a small sampling … from different patients, of course.

  • Someone broke into the patient’s house while he was sleeping and stole only his schizophrenia medications so that he would act up and then get arrested by police and have to be admitted to the hospital. Then the perpetrator could break back into his house and take all of his belongings.
  • There are two small dots near my appendicitis scar. I think something may be inside trying to crawl its way out.
  • I started having back pain after laughing too hard.
  • My left ear had been clogged after having sex 9 days ago.
  • I ran into a glass door at Home Depot. I’m not having any pain, but make sure you send them the bill for this visit.
  • A bug crawled up into my belly button and now I can’t find the bug.
  • My scars turn blue when I get cold. What is that?
  • I had left testicle pain one month ago.
  • Nurses sent a patient by ambulance after nursing home patient found doing jumping jacks in his room. He doesn’t usually act that way.


This and all posts about patients may be fictional, may be my experiences, may be submitted by readers for publication here, or may be any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. If you would like to have a patient story published on WhiteCoat’s Call Room, please e-mail me.

8 Responses to “Unique Chief Complaints”

  1. Shah says:

    I’ve got you beat.

    “It was hot in my apartment so I came here.”

  2. ThorMD says:

    And my perennial favorite, “I had a rash, and now it’s gone. What was it?”.

  3. Nurse K says:

    “The people at my apartment complex are mean and I need to get away from them for awhile. Also, I was hoping someone here could help me find a new building.”

  4. Myles Riner says:

    “My Dianetics auditor (Scientology) thought I might have appendicitis, but I wanted a second opinion”

  5. The Hamburglar says:

    These are hysterical although not funny in the end, considering the wasted dollars….

    • Tom says:

      True, dat. These are almost certainly people with no skin in the game, who are spending Other Peoples’ Money. No one would waste their own money like that.

  6. Just Another EMPAC says:

    “My stomach issues but only after having sex with this one girl not any others.”

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